One reason to vote for Donald Trump was to improve the American gene pool. Not because of some evil human breeding program, but because of an exodus of celebrities who have this insane idea that we give a rat’s patootie about the political opinion of people whose performance contracts include items like M&Ms in their dressing rooms with all the colors taken out except the red ones, or rose petals in the green room toilets. Trump won the election on Tuesday. Now it’s five days later and these arrogant, pontificating liberal celebrities are still in America—GET OUT ALREADY!
Come on, folks. Don’t tell me you celebs were just teasing. Keep your promise get the hell out of America! These are the celebs who made the promise:
- Chelsea Handler said she’s go to Spain. What has she ever done besides post pictures of her breasts on the internet? The web is world wide she can parade her boobs overseas. Maybe she wants to compare her upper body to Gibraltar. Or her brain to a rock.
- Comedian Amy Schumer said she too wants to go to Spain. She may have to sneak in though, those topless pictures you posted may motivate men in Spain to have her banned,
- Lena Dunham will go to Vancouver, Canada. I’ve been there, it’s a beautiful city. Why does she hate them enough to spoil their serenity? Canada says they don’t want her. Maybe she can go to Mexico before Trump builds his wall.
- Samuel L. Jackson will go to South Africa. As a fan of Marvel Superhero movies, this one upset me at first because I love his portrayal of Nick Fury (I also enjoy his wonderful you tube reading of the children’s book, “Go The F**k To Sleep”). However, those Marvel movies are overseas anyway so it doesn’t matter where he lives. Say goodbye, Sam. Oh, and Sam, when you fly to South Africa make sure there are no “mother-effing snakes on the mother-effing plane.”
- Whoopi Goldberg, co-host of the “The View,” said if the country elects Trump, “maybe it’s time for me to move, you know. I can afford to go.” Come on, Whoopi, you can afford to live anywhere. I have an idea. Why not move to one of the Gulf States like Saudi Arabia or Iran. I understand they are very welcoming to people with the last name of Goldberg.
- Cher says she is going to Jupiter. All I can say is, Cool, that will be fun to watch. And she should know how to get there, it’s her home planet.
- Hispanic comedian George Lopez proved himself to be a real patriot. He said Trump “won’t have to worry about immigration” if he [Trump] takes the White House because “we’ll all go back.” Isn’t he great? But George – you are still here.
- Al Sharpton, professional bigot and anti-Semite, said he’s “reserving my ticket out of here if [Trump] wins.” You know something, Al, in honor of the two anti-Semitic riots you led in New York City, if you promise never to come back, I will pay for your ticket. I will even see you off. Your last view of America will be me serenading you as you board the plane. I’ll be singing “נה, נה, נה., נה , נה, נה, נה. היי, היי, היי שלום,” which is Hebrew for “Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na. Hey, Hey, Goodbye.”
- Barbra Streisand says she is going to Australia or Canada. Her arrogant liberal pontification surpassed any appreciation for her singing talent a long time ago. The only question is, can somebody so full of herself fit on an airplane? “Hey Babs, buh-bye.”
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice, is moving to New Zealand. She is so helpful, that’s one less Justice who wants to be a legislator instead of a Justice, and one more Trump can replace.
- Stephen King: It’s been a long time since he wrote a book that didn’t seem like every other book he’s written. Maybe a change of scenery will revive his imagination.
- Alec Baldwin: many people will celebrate this talent-less bully moving out of the country. His only good acting role was in Glengarry Glen Ross. But after that brilliant performance, he seemed to rest on his laurels when he wasn’t bullying entertainment reporters. Hey, Alec, don’t expect them to give you coffee on the airplane. Remember what you said to Jack Lemmon “Coffee is for Closers.”
Well, what do you say, guys? No one forced you to make the promise, but you made it. Stop teasing America. Keep your vow and “get the hell out of Dodge.”
Cross-posted at LidBlog