As we get closer and closer to that magic $17 trillion dollar national debt level (OK it’s not really magic —it’s disgusting), it’s nice to know that the people we put in charge of our government are looking to spend money only on what is absolutely necessary … like high tech tighty whiteys. That’s right, America. We are saving $19K a week with the cancellation of White House tours but spending 20 weeks worth of tours on underwear that can sense cigarette smoke!
Working on a grant from the National institute of Health, the University of Alabama has developed an early prototype of the Personal Automatic Cigarette Tracker, or PACT.
The PACT project aims to put a breathing sensor in conventional underwear that records when a person smokes (not for nothing, but after a gassy meal that sensor will blow up if it tries to “breathe in” my underwear).
The University of Alabama has received two grants totaling $402,721 for the project, which so far has produced a “very early prototype” of the monitoring system, which — in its current state — fits like a vest.
The goal of the three-year study is to “develop a wearable sensor system comprised of a breathing sensor integrated into conventional underwear.”
The Personal Automatic Cigarette Tracker (PACT for short) is intended to accurately measure when and how often people smoke as well as how deeply they inhale. The real-time information would be used to design strategies for smoking cessation.
How do they Inhale? I guess they can’t test the device on Bill Clinton as everyone knows he did not inhale.
the purpose of the device is to get better reporting from cigarette smokers.
“We are trying to eliminate the need for self-report from people about how much they smoke, when they smoke, how many puffs they take from the cigarette.” said [Dr. Edward Sazonov, lead researcher].
Sazonov has created two wearable sensors: a small bracelet worn on the arm that monitors a smoker’s hand-to-mouth motion; and the underwear sensor that monitors breathing.
“The combination of these two sensors, hopefully, will allow us to monitor cigarette smoking without asking people when and how much they smoke,” he said.
Look, perhaps this is great research for a medical or pharmaceutical company to spend money on, but this is the federal government. Those types of projects should be done by private industries.
The project began in March 2010, with the university receiving $187,368 from the National Institute on Drug Abuse. That grant was followed by an additional $215,353 in 2011, though the project will not end until August of this year.
I wonder how much it would cost to have people follow the smokers around with a pad counting puffs?
When asked if he will be applying for more grants in the future when the current funding ends this summer, Sazonov said, “We definitely want to continue with this research, yes.”
More federal dollars — heym maybe they can come up with Underoos that sense who was the one passing gas at the family dinner. That way maybe the dog will stop getting blamed.
Or perhaps a pair of undies that detects when a politician is lying. (Nah, the darned things will never stop ringing).
HELLO!!! IS ANYBODY LISTENING? Boys and girls in the government, please pay attention to what I am about to say. THE NATION IS FLAT BROKE!!! The U.S. Government is almost $17 trillion dollars in debt, and that doesn’t even count entitlements and pensions we’ve promised people!
Perhaps it time for our leaders to stop being all tied up in their undershorts and cease spending money on non-essential projects … like undershorts!
When I was out of work my purchases of non-essential items disappeared so I could live within my means. Why the heck is this such a foreign concept to our government?