How much would you pay to get the TSA to grope you less? Do I hear $85?

How much would you pay to get the TSA to grope you less? Do I hear $85?
No escape Big Brother
No escape Big Brother

Do you hate getting patted down or zapped by a full-body scanner at the airport? Do you wish you could avoid removing your shoes, belt, and jacket? Would you prefer to keep your laptop with you rather than risk having the hard disk fried?

If your answer to any or all of these questions is yes, you can now tender a bribe that will get you special treatment.

It won’t even set you back that much — a mere $17 a year. Just make your check payable to “Transportation Security Administration.”

RT.com reports that the TSA has announced it will be expanding its PreCheck program to all comers. Currently, the program, which permits prospective passengers to bypass regular airport pre-flight security, is available only to members of selected frequent-flier programs.

TSA Administrator John Pistole said on Friday that all travelers will soon be eligible so long as they pay $85 for a five-year membership, provide identifying information, pass a background check, and undergo fingerprinting. (Oh, yeah: Sorry about that. You do have to let them fingerprint you.)

At present approximately 12 million travelers are enrolled in PreCheck, but the TSA expect another 3 million people before year’s end. The agency hopes to take in about $255 million from the expanded program.

Washington Dulles International and Indianapolis International airports will be the first two to offer the service starting later this year.

But if you fly out of one of those airports, don’t start counting your chickens just yet. RT warns:

PreCheck does not guarantee expedited screening, and all travelers are still subject to ‘random and unpredictable’ security measures, the agency said in a statement.

[Travelers may] still be subjected to pat-downs and searches if they appear suspicious.

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Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy has written for The Blaze, HotAir, NewsBusters, Weasel Zippers, Conservative Firing Line, RedCounty, and New York’s Daily News. He has one published novel, Hot Rain, (G. P. Putnam’s Sons), and has been a guest on Radio Vice Online with Jim Vicevich, The Alana Burke Show, Smart Life with Dr. Gina, and The George Espenlaub Show.

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