“No More Teflon Don,” blares a headline at USA Today. The article recalls the early days of the Trump candidacy, when The Donald could say anything about anyone and emerge smelling like the proverbial rose. But as a more sobering second headline from the past two days notes, “Trump Isn’t Teflon” anymore. The headline is to an article by polling guru Nate Silver, who assesses the damage done to Trump by allegations of groping, which the GOP nominee vehemently denies.
The new claimant to the Teflon title is Hillary Clinton, though an asterisk should appears next to the moniker “Teflon Hil’,” explaining that nothing can tarnish her pristine luster thanks to a little help from her friends in the mainstream media. Not a single WikiLeaks email has managed to penetrate the force field that surrounds the Democratic nominee.
But imagine for a moment that some linkage could be established between the groping allegations against Trump and the Clinton campaign or its surrogate, the Democratic National Committee. Suppose that back in May, the DNC was toying with the idea of setting up a Craigslist help wanted ad purportedly placed there by the Trump Organization that listed among the job requirements being “open to public humiliation and open-press workouts if you do gain weight on the job” and a “willingness to evaluate other women’s hotness for the boss’ satisfaction.” Imagine, moreover, that the “About Us” section of the ad specified:
Will this presidential election be the most important in American history?
We’re proud to maintain a “fun” and “friendly work environment, where the boss is always available to meet with his employees. Like it or not, he may greet you with a kiss on the lips or grope you under the meeting table. [Emphasis added]
In summary, the ad, if it existed, might read something like this:
Multiple Positions (NYC area)
Seeking staff members for multiple positions in a large, New York-based corporation known for its real estate investments, fake universities, steaks, and wine. The boss has very strict standards for female employees, ranging from the women who take lunch orders (must be hot) to the women who oversee multi-million dollar construction projects (must maintain hotness demonstrated at time of hiring).
Title: Honey Bunch (that’s what the boss will call you)
Job requirements:
* No gaining weight on the job (we’ll take some “before” pictures when you start to use later as evidence)
* Must be open to public humiliation and open-press workouts if you do gain weight on the job
* A willingness to evaluate other women’s hotness for the boss’ satisfaction is a plus
* Should be proficient in lying about age if the boss thinks you’re too old Working mothers not preferred (the boss finds pumping breast milk disgusting, and worries they’re too focused on their children).About us:
We’re proud to maintain a “fun” and “friendly work environment, where the boss is always available to meet with his employees. Like it or not, he may greet you with a kiss on the lips or grope you under the meeting table. Interested applicants should send resume, cover letter, and headshot to jobs@trump.com<mailto:jobs@trump.com>
Here, courtesy of the latest WikiLeaks drop, is the DNC’s distribution list and preface to the above ad:
And you thought this campaign couldn’t get any sleazier.
