The police need your help finding a missing political candidate. Here are the facts (just the facts): She is a female. She is 67 years old. She is white (and, therefore, privileged, though she claims she was “dead-broke” when she left the White House). She has dyed-blond hair and watery blue eyes. She can often be found sipping room temperature sparkling and munching on crudité, hummus, or sliced fruit. She was last seen in Canada. She answers to the name Hillary, though she is known by the alias “Pants Suit.”
Here is how various of the “elite media” have been handling word of her disappearance:
- ABC News: “Hillary Clinton Has Been M.I.A. Lately.” At a time when many potential 2016 presidential contenders appear to be starting the ignition of their campaigns, Hillary Clinton has pressed the brake pedal. Or so it seems. Clinton’s calendar, which was jam-packed throughout most of last year with paid speeches, award ceremonies, fundraisers, book tour stops, campaign appearances and official Clinton Foundation business, is now virtually empty. Over the past six weeks, the likely Democratic presidential candidate has made just two public appearances — both on the same day, and both in Canada. She doesn’t have another event scheduled until late next month.
- MSNBC: Clinton Is “Almost Nowhere To Be Seen.” Clinton, the once-ubiquitous jet-setting public speaker is now almost nowhere to be seen, with just four scheduled public appearances over the yawning stretch of months between mid-December and the end of March. The message from her team is to hunker down for a lengthy period of public inactivity.
- CNN: “Hillary Clinton … Doesn’t Have Her Own Facebook Page.” Hillary Clinton, the presumed Democratic Party front-runner for the 2016 presidential nomination, doesn’t have her own Facebook page. Currently, when you search Hillary Clinton on Facebook, you get a “topics” page … With a total 1.85 billion total Facebook users in the United States, it’s no question Facebook will play a key role in engaging users in 2016. But it also begs the question, if Clinton is serious about running, why hasn’t she developed her own
If you see this woman, notify her next of kin, Bubba: