Today is Christmas, and a Merry Christmas to all who celebrate this joyous holiday. Jews, of which I am one, do not. Or at least we don’t celebrate in a way that comports with the customs and rituals of those who attach religious significance to this special day.
Many Christians seem to think that Jewish children feel like Kyle from “South Park” when Christmas rolls around each year.
But nothing could be further from the truth. You see, Christmas is the one day each year when that anti-Semitic creed is true. It is the one day where the Jews do control everything.
We Jews are happy when our gentile friends celebrate Christmas — so much so, that a member of the tribe, Irving Berlin, wrote you that most famous of Christmas songs, “White Christmas.”
And while gentiles are celebrating their holiday, we are enjoying our traditions. Chief among these is “eating Chinese.” What most people don’t realize is that the U.S. Supreme Court has approved of Jews going to Chinese restaurants on Christmas.
If you find the notion of “Jewish Christmas” hard to fathom, you’re not alone. Most Jews can’t even explain Christmas.
So from my haimishe family to your goyische family, have a Blessed Christmas surrounded by the love of family and friends. And if you need me for anything, you know where I will be. (Let me know if you want me to bring you home some dumplings — they’re Kosher, you know.)
Cross-posted at The Lid