The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground. —THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1788

Paula Deen offered 6 figures to appear in adult film

Paula Deen EatingIt looks like Paula Deen’s fortunes are beginning to take a turn for the better. Celebrity gossip website TMZ reports that the scandal-ridden 66-year-old former TV cook has been offered a starring role in her own feature film. True, it’s a porno film, but what is that adage about beggars being choosers?

Adult web site PureMature.com, which specializes in MILF-centric skin flicks (the acronym is for “mothers I’d like to … er — film”), has reportedly offered Deen six figures to grin and bare it. “Full figured or thin, arthritic or diabetic,” the company wrote, “you embody our perfect spokesperson.”

Deen’s handlers have not commented on the offer, but the deal is one the ex-Food Network star may want to sleep on. For one thing, it would put her back in front of the cameras. For another, it would help defray some of her legal costs and could certainly come in handy in the event she loses the $1.2 million lawsuit filed by an ex-employee that is currently in the courts.

Plus, it’s not as though Deen is a stranger to vulgarity (and, no, this is not another dig at her bacon-egg-and-donut burgers). As noted in a recent column, the ex-star was held in contempt after she refused to turn over to the plaintiff a blooper reel of “obscene and vulgar video outtakes” from her show. In it she allegedly uses assorted profanities, describes a dish as smelling like a “stinky coochie,” and pretends to perform fellatio on a pastry before declaring, “My a** ain’t pretty no more!”

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Howard Portnoy has written for HotAir, NewsBusters, Weasel Zippers, Conservative Firing Line, RedCounty, and New York’s Daily News. He has one published novel, Hot Rain, (G. P. Putnam’s Sons), and has been a guest on Radio Vice Online with Jim Vicevich, The Alana Burke Show, Smart Life with Dr. Gina, and The George Espenlaub Show.

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