Did you know that some duck penises are corkscrew-shaped? Do you think anybody cares except for maybe another duck? Well apparently the federal government and Yale University care.
CNS News is reporting that as part of the stimulus spending, the National Science Foundation (NSF) has awarded a $384,949 grant to Yale for a study on “Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia.”
The grant description says, “The project examines how reproductive morphology co-varies with season, age, and social environment in a diverse sample of duck species that differ in ecology, territoriality and breeding system.”
Yale has been receiving your tax dollars to study duck ding-dongs since 2009 and the money doesn’t run out until July.
“In the last quarter, we have prepared a manuscript for submission on the results of the first two years of experiments on social phenotypic plasticity in duck penis length in Lesser Scaup and Ruddy Duck. Experiments continued on genital social phenotypic plasticity in Mandarin Duck and Laysan Teal,” a 2010 fourth quarter recovery.gov update on the study says.
Many duck penises are cork-screw shaped and some scientists believe this is because of a form of evolution known as “sexual conflict”.
Hello!!! Is there anybody thinking in the government? Almost $400 grand on Duck penises when this country 
is drowning in debt is just outrageous. And PLEASE don’t tell me it is not a lot of money … how many other programs like this are the ding-dongs who run our government funding???
Just think about how many White House tours the Federal budget could afford if we just called in a mohel to cut this program. Why should I care about Mandarin Ducks anyway? I much prefer Peeking Duck.
Duck goes into the wine school and tells the owner he “wants to become a sommalier.” Owner says, It would never work. “You can’t open a bottle of wine with those webbed feet.” Duck smiles and says,…..
Now, guys, you supply the punch line. Best line wines a bottle of Duckhorn Merlot. (Yes, a real Napa wine.)
Steven
“… you should see how he makes donuts.”
Damn! Wrong punchline!
Yeah, and when he’s done making love to his girlfriend duck, he has to spin counterclockwise to get off, 5-10 rotations, depending on how well endowed he is, lest he hurt her very badly. Some of the most complex sex in the animal kingdom, no doubt. No wonder these ducks fall sound asleep afterwards.
Steven
next up…why are lesbian ducks more obese than gay ducks? And why do they drink so much fermented pond water? We have probably already paid for the study that proves normal ducks are pawns of the tobacco industry.
feel free to search for studies funded by our NIH.
Blog commenter has idea for a new corkscrew. . .
I’ll call it a quackscrew. Pull wings up, place on wine bottle, push wings down. The duck could be programmed to sing, “Nearer My God to Thee” but that would be the deluxe version.
Steven
they don’t believe in God…so maybe the Old Flintstones theme song instead?
Great idea! There’s already a “rabbit” corkscrew. Why not a duck? (Or come to think of it, “Vy a duck?”)
…put a feather on the bottle top and watch. But I’ll warn you, sometimes I pop before the cork does.
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