Make way for bacon-scented shaving cream

Make way for bacon-scented shaving cream

Poor Roland Weary. No matter how much he scrubbed, he always smelled like bacon. That’s how Kurt Vonnegut described the memorable sad sack character, whom he created for his anti-war classic Slaughterhouse-Five.

Fast forward four decades later, and Weary’s liability has become so great an asset that if he were alive (and real), he could make a fortune off his scent.

That is obviously the goal of J&D’s, the retail website whose motto is “Everything should taste bacon.” The latest creation of Justin and Dave (the J and D of the name) carries their love of cured pork fat to a new sensory dimension.

Meet (meat?) bacon shaving cream. The innovation is a limited-edition offering that, according to the press release, “is best used after a hot shower or before an important date with someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with.”

View slideshow: Bacon, bacon everywhere

A video report from Seattle station KIRO-TV notes that at least one local barbershop swears the lather is top-notch. It really smells like bacon, too.

“You’re going to feel good, you’re going to smell good and you’re probably going to taste good,” J&D’s Dave Lefkow is quoted as telling KIRO. “This is something that every bacon-loving American male needs.”

As noted earlier, the production run is small: about 2,500 units. The price, moreover, is an immodest $14.99. The same amount will fetch you 12 cans of Barbasol.

Some might suppose this is strangest creation to come off the J&D’s assembly line. One would be mistaken. That distinction might belong to the bacon coffin(!), a genuine lifesize casket draped in a bacon shroud ($3,000), or to BaconLube, a product designed for bedroom use by consenting bacon lovers. Both products have ceased production, but Mmmvelopes, business envelopes that seal with bacon-flavored glue, and Bacon Lip Balm are still available.

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Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy has written for The Blaze, HotAir, NewsBusters, Weasel Zippers, Conservative Firing Line, RedCounty, and New York’s Daily News. He has one published novel, Hot Rain, (G. P. Putnam’s Sons), and has been a guest on Radio Vice Online with Jim Vicevich, The Alana Burke Show, Smart Life with Dr. Gina, and The George Espenlaub Show.

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