Teens cut school to protest global warming? Fine if they agree to abide by these new ‘rules’

Image: NBC News screen grab

As NewsBusters reports, high school students all across America took to the streets last Friday to make their voices heard on the subject of global warming. The alphabet networks applauded the move, with NBC devoting a segment to the protests that gave a shout-out to 13-year-old Alexandria Villasenor, who has been “on strike” for nearly four months.

Oh, did I forget to mention that these kids are skipping school to wage these demonstrations? Not that they can afford it. According to the 2017 National Assessment of Educational Progress, only 40% of fourth-graders, 33% of eighth-graders, and 25% of 12th-graders were “proficient” or “advanced” in math, and scores in reading and science were equally abysmal.

But these are the future leaders of America, so we adults need to trust they know what they’re doing. Of course, until they reach adulthood, we still get to make the rules, and here are several shared over the transom by an anonymous LU reader that should be implemented immediately. Students should applaud all rules, which promote a healthier climate.

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1. Drop school room temperatures down to 65 during the winter. Yank all air conditioners.
2. Require that all students walk or bicycle to school. No more buses or rides.
3. No more school trips or events involving travel other than those that can be accomplished on foot.
4. No more hot lunches. All food provided, furthermore, must be eaten. Trash is an enemy of the environment.
5. No more swimming pools, showers, or amenities.
6. All students will wear simple utilitarian school uniforms. No more resource-wasting “fashions.”
7. All schools will henceforth be downsized and have larger class sizes.
8. Classroom teachers will be phased out to reduce the carbon footprint. All lectures will be streamed over the internet by one central lecturer, and tests and homework will appear online.

I imagine that some parents will have issues with these rules, and especially rule 8, which invites disciplinary problems. Dealing with these issues will fall on the shoulders of the children, who have already demonstrated by striking that they are prepared to take control of their education.