Liberals find new ways to be miserable on Thanksgiving

Liberals find new ways to be miserable on Thanksgiving

On Thursday, the majority of households in America will give thanks for the bounties of this great land we are lucky enough to call home. Presumably that includes liberals, though as in years past they will doubtless set aside a good portion of the day to be unhappy.

During the Obama years, the demand that Americans be miserable on Thanksgiving came almost as a formal proclamation from the White House, which urged those assembled at the holiday table to squabble not only over who gets a drumstick but health insurance.

Obama, blessedly, is no longer president, but that won’t prevent the Left from having a lousy Thanksgiving. Among the things they can feel unhappy about are:

Will this presidential election be the most important in American history?

  • Eating turkey. The PETA police are back out in full force this year with plans to resurrect a roadside memorial to hundreds of turkeys killed in a tractor-trailer accident on a Utah highway in May. The bird were already on their way to the slaughter, affording tofurkey eaters twice the opportunity to shed tears over the disaster. For those who still plan to chow down on turkey but feel guilty about doing so, two turkey retailers are including tracking devices on each bird they sell. These permit the conscientious consumer to learn about the farm theit turkey was raised on, the family who raised it, and even that family’s own Turkey Day traditions.
  • Commemorating the mass murder of American Indians by white settlers. Universities across the country are once again proclaiming Thanksgiving to be National Day of Mourning. SUNY Albany will no doubt redistribute copies of an article titled “Native Americans explain why ‘Thanksgiving’ holiday is celebration of genocide,” according to which:

President Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving an official U.S. holiday in 1863 but … the holiday in reality has bloody roots. It was an official day was proclaimed [sic] in colonial times to give thanks that a militia had returned safely from massacring more than 700 Pequots. … Many of victims were elders, women and children. …

  • Mentioning the president’s name. An article at GQ advises “It’s Your Civic Duty to Ruin Thanksgiving by Bringing Up Trump.” Unwittingly, the author of the piece, Joe Berkowitz, reveals a fundamental difference between the Right and the Left. While it is perfectly normal for liberals to want to squander away a joyous occasion “unmasking … a woman-hating sewer ghoul,” conservatives were quite content for eight years to focus away from their own White House nemesis, who hated America and its most glorious traditions, and instead count their blessings. The Left should really give it a try.
Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy has written for The Blaze, HotAir, NewsBusters, Weasel Zippers, Conservative Firing Line, RedCounty, and New York’s Daily News. He has one published novel, Hot Rain, (G. P. Putnam’s Sons), and has been a guest on Radio Vice Online with Jim Vicevich, The Alana Burke Show, Smart Life with Dr. Gina, and The George Espenlaub Show.


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