Hillary Clinton will formerly announce her candidacy for president today and after reading the build-up and the hype about her campaign and what she will focus on I came to the realization that I am just as qualified as she is for the top job. So I am hereby announcing my candidacy to be the 45th president of the United States.
The Glass Ceiling: A big part of Hillary’s appeal is that she would be the first female president of the United States, and she would be. But there also hasn’t been a Jewish president, a Latino president, a Muslim president, an Asian president, and si on. Should I be elected I would be the first Jewish president, breaking though a different glass ceiling.
The Middle Class: Apparently along with her lady-parts Hillary will be following Obama’s 2012 strategy of improving the lives of the middle class and expanding opportunities for working families. Clinton recently wrote that she hadn’t driven a car in over a dozen years. What the heck does she know about the middle class? She was waited on hand and foot when she was first lady. And remember when she whined how broke she was at the end of her husband’s presidency? That was for about five minutes until she signed a multimillion dollar book deal. In short, the woman is loaded. And for the past year or so she had been adding to her wealth by giving speeches for between $200,000 and $300,000 a pop.
Now I know all about the middle class. I have been busting my butt to make a living so my children can have a better life than me. My wife, a CPA, has been working even harder, especially during tax season. I do sometimes use a car service when going to the airport, but besides those occasions I am behind the wheel driving myself somewhere or shlepping my kids around. I live the life of a middle class working stiff and know what we need: lower taxes, making it easier for companies to create jobs. Something else we need is the opportunity to make our own medical decisions instead of Obamacare. And while not a top priority, if I were elected president I would get rid of the supposed ecology-friendly laws that created toilet bowls that can’t flush and light bulbs that take a week to get bright.
To be honest I will admit getting paid for making speeches, but generally the payments are in food — mostly bagels and coffee.
Foreign Policy: Face it, Hillary Clinton’s only achievement as Secretary of State was to break an agreement between the U.S. and Israel, making settlements an issue which set back any Israeli-Palestinian talks for years. What else did she do? There was the reset button with Russia, which was not only mistranslated (she used the Russian word for overcharge not reset), but for the last six years (four of them she was Secretary of State) the Russians have been taking advantage of a weak U.S. foreign policy. Under Hillary’s tenure, the Islamic State began and terrorism grew. And let’s not forget Benghazi, a tragedy which she falsely blamed things on a anti-Islam video. She mismanaged the Arab spring, forcing the Egyptian president out of office while ignoring the green revolution in Iran. And don’t tjay forget the problems between Israel and Obama began under her tenure. That’s because, with the possible exception of the time from her first campaign for a New York’s Senate seat in 2000 to her resignation from the Senate to become Secretary of State in January 2009, Hillary Clinton has never been pro-Israel.
As for me, I don’t believe in rushing into war, but like Ronald Reagan I believe in peace through strength. The United States should not nation-build, but neither should we allow ourselves to be pushed around. We must destroy terrorist entities and we should be putting real sanctions on Russia. I believe Israel is an ally and Iran is not and that we should treat our allies better than our enemies. In fact to repair our relationship with the only democracy in the Middle East, my first trip as president would be to Israel.
Trustworthiness: Hillary has been chased by scandal her entire public life, most recently surroundings her emails and donations to the Clinton Foundation. While I have erased plenty of emails it’s only because I work with public email accounts with volume limits. Should I be elected I promise to use the government’s server for government work and limit my private emails to a secure private account on a government server. At the end of my term as the law requires, all my emails will be reviewed to determine which get archived by the government. As far as my wife’s business, if elected she will sell her CPA practice so I can put her in charge of finding things in the budget that can be cut. You should see her when the credit card bill comes! Trust me: You give her the federal budget and the power to ask questions, and I guarantee a balanced budget in four years.
Now please understand, while I do believe I am just as qualified as Mrs. Clinton to be president, the majority of Republicans who are considering a presidential run are much better qualified than I am (and, it follows, much better qualified than she is). But in a race between the former Secretary of State and this blogger, there is no contest. I am your man.
Cross-posted at The Lid