Latest global warming scare: A threat to redheads

Latest global warming scare: A threat to redheads
Sorry, kid. (Credit:

Believers of manmade global warming have issued yet another dire consequence resulting from the human race’s being technologically advanced. As reported by The Daily Record and Sunday Mail (of Glasgow, Scotland), the purported increase in world temperatures very well could pose a direct threat to the future of redheads, at least in Ireland, Scotland and the north of England.

Dr. Alistair Moffat, head honcho for the genetic testing company ScotlandsDNA, insists that the rise in global temperatures will usher in a corresponding drop in redheads in Britain and Ireland. According to the Caledonian chemist’s theory, “the gene that causes red hair is thought to be an evolutionary response to the lack of sun in Scotland.”

Doubtless pleasing to adherents of the belief that the rise in global temperatures is caused by industrial and commercial use of fossil fuels, Moffat also noted the correlation between Scotland’s dreary weather and those sporting scarlet tresses:

We think red hair in Scotland, Ireland and the north of England is adaptation to the climate. We do not get enough sun and have to get all the vitamin D we can. If it was to get less cloudy and there was more sun, there would be fewer people carrying the gene.”

In the meantime, Canadian comedian Shawn Hitchins is reportedly taking the lead in the worldwide “Ginger Pride” movement. Hitchins took to the streets of the Scottish city of Edinburgh last year with seemingly little regard for those who would disparage his head of flaming red locks. But noting the overt Gingerphobia displayed by more than a few, the Canadian funnyman lamented, “It seems like everyone is coming up with new ways to eradicate the Gingers.”

T. Kevin Whiteman

T. Kevin Whiteman

T. Kevin Whiteman is a retired Master Sergeant of Marines. He is the founder of the blog Unapologetically Rude and has written for Examiner and other blogs.

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