Thank God for experts! Modern science develops a device to squelch cow burps

Thank God for experts! Modern science develops a device to squelch cow burps
Image: Reuters screen grab

Peaches in cans! What’ll they think of next?

The Green New Deal hasn’t yet been passed into law, but that doesn’t mean the planet’s brightest minds are busy realizing aspects of it.

Take a report from Reuters celebrating the development of a new mask that suppresses “bovine belches.” According to the report, a video version of which follows, cow burps account for 15% of greenhouse gas emissions. The mask, which fits around the animal’s snout, squelches the burp.

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Now I’m no scientist, but I have been around long enough to know that gas trapped in the body will “out.” If you hold in a burp, the gas might find its way to the body’s built-in escape valve, located around to the rear.

But more importantly, there are health implications. According to The Conversation:

Trying to hold it in leads to a build up of pressure and major discomfort. A build up of intestinal gas can trigger abdominal distension, with some gas reabsorbed into the circulation and exhaled in your breath. Holding on too long means the build up of intestinal gas will eventually escape via an uncontrollable fart.

The research is not clear on whether the rise in pressure in your rectum increases your chance of developing a condition called diverticulitis, where small pouches develop in the gut lining and become inflamed – or whether it doesn’t matter at all.

Then there’s the matter of creature comforts — in this case of actual creatures. Isn’t it cruel to prevent a cow from releasing built-up gas?

Where’s PETA when you need them?

Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy

Howard Portnoy has written for The Blaze, HotAir, NewsBusters, Weasel Zippers, Conservative Firing Line, RedCounty, and New York’s Daily News. He has one published novel, Hot Rain, (G. P. Putnam’s Sons), and has been a guest on Radio Vice Online with Jim Vicevich, The Alana Burke Show, Smart Life with Dr. Gina, and The George Espenlaub Show.