‘So can you f*ck?’: What it’s like to ‘online date’ with a disability

‘So can you f*ck?’: What it’s like to ‘online date’ with a disability

[Ed. – Answers to questions you’ve never thought to ask.]

It’s not news that lots of women receive ridiculous and misogynistic messages on dating apps, especially on Tinder. But as a 22-year-old with cerebral palsy, I get one at least twice a week.

“So can you f*ck?”

“But you look normal in your pictures.”

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Since I rely on my wheelchair only for transport and can walk independently, I don’t have that many pictures of myself in it. I live in this in-between area where my disability isn’t that severe but is still noticeable.

As soon as I disclose my disability to potential dates, one of the first questions they often ask is if I’m capable of performing sexual activities. Every person with a disability is different, but able-bodied people often have a one-size-fits-all notion of them; they often mistakenly think people with disabilities aren’t capable of independence or being sexually active. It is in part because of this mindset that people with disabilities often date much later in life than their non-disabled peers do, and their rate of marriage is half the national average.

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