[Ed. – Now they’re disguising it as a guide to pranking your relatives.]
Here’s Politico’s play-by-play guide to making your Thanksgiving inflammatory, memorable and just plain yuuuuge. …
Target: Your Tea Partier cousin
Pregame: Keep everyone waiting at least an hour. Be clear it was because you needed to let the fruit fly trapped in your Prius escape on its own timeframe.
Cocktail hour: Wave off any commercial beverage. Serve your own wine, fermented from grapes that fell to the ground. Wait until someone is drinking a name-brand soda to bring up the many studies connecting it to cancer.
Dinnertime: In lieu of grace, ask everyone around the table if instead they’d all take a moment to confront their white privilege. Ask your cousin to go first. (Especially strong move if your cousin is the only white person at the table.) As the turkey is brought forth, mention your gratitude for our government’s thoughtful regulation of the poultry industry. Mention that without Native Americans, Middle Easterners and Europe, there would be no such thing as cranberry sauce. For no reason, mention the Federal Reserve fondly. Find a way to bring up politics, then refer dismissively to voters “crazy enough” to support Ted Cruz. Within 90 seconds, also announce you’re embarrassed to be an American because its people are so intolerant of other’s viewpoints.
After dinner: Wait until a crucial moment of the football game, then rise from your chair, turn off the television, and lecture the surprised children present that if 9/11 taught us anything, it’s that “violence is not the answer.”
Power play: Insist on a moment of silence for “God’s servant, Jimmy Carter.”