I have read all the critiques of women’s vocal mannerisms and tics. No “just.” No “sorry.” No uptalk. No vocal fry. I have come to a few simple conclusions, which I have distilled into the following 13 tips.
1) Never speak in run-on sentences. Use only sentences that Hemingway would use. Speak curtly. Speak of fish and fighting, and the deep wisdom no woman can know. Speak of hills and strong liquor. Speak of Scott Fitzgerald and his fatal weakness.
2) Never let the word “just” pass your lips. If you find that you have used the word “just” even once, smite mightily about yourself with a mace, lest anyone live to tell the tale and lose you the respect of your colleagues.
3) Never end sentences with a question mark, even when you are asking a question. This may baffle and alarm everyone around you, but better that than the alternative.