Summer is here! And everyone is rejoicing. Right? We’re supposed to be all “summer loving, had me a blast”? It’s that amazing time of year when I learn that to get a boyfriend all I have to do is change my personality completely and take up smoking (but don’t worry, he’ll give up his personality too so at least we’ll have no sense of self together!). But I get it, people love having a hot summer sex fling— we’re rocking swimsuits and showing off skin and the days are longer, meaning you want to stay out and soak up the sunshine. Everyone’s in peak flirting mode. Perfect conditions for some sexy summer evenings, right? Bull. In my experience summer loving is less “ahhh, those summer nights”, and more sweaty, smelly ball of mess.
Growing up with New Hampshire’s muggy summers meant the ultimate sweat and bug spray combo — not ideal sexing conditions. Add onto that walking around with my thighs screaming with fire from chaffing (and sometime those ass cheeks too!) it’s amazing I had any sex at all. Why do we pretend like it’s the sexiest time of year? Winter sex keeps you warm and cozy, summer sex keeps you smelly and… moist. I am over it. And I refuse to believe it’s just me. I’d like to put forward seven reasons why summer sex is the worst: