The 50 states ranked by penis size

The 50 states ranked by penis size

[Ed. note: Definitely news you can use]

I know it’s finals, but this study is way more important than any paper you have to write. Put down your addy and index cards and read on up…for research purposes only, obviously. I’ve often wondered which state is best for finding a tall guy, because I’m kind of a size queen (when it comes to height, of course). Unfortunately, after extensive research on that subject, Google told me to move to the Netherlands, and I just love America too much. While the domestic height study doesn’t exist, a new one from Condomania.com does, and it ranks all 50 states based on size. Now, that’s patriotic.

Condomania claims to be America’s first online condom store. It’s unclear to me why an online condom store exists. I get that it could maybe be embarrassing to buy them if you’re wearing a promise ring, but otherwise I think you’re good to go. Plus, if you are buying XXL Magnums, I would think you’d want to do it in a public place where you’re free to swagger around like the Biebs while you pick up the nice lady at the CVS counter along with your Trojan supply. Or maybe you don’t use connies at all, because you donate plasma for liquor money and claim to be totally clean, minus the whole herpes thing. Perhaps it’s for people who use specialty supplies, like dental dams. I can’t be sure. They do offer a “small and snug fit,” for which I can understand turning to the internet to purchase, you little nugget, you. They also have extremely specialized sizes on the site, so if your little willy is a little wonky, this is the place for you.

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